@Eldaking: Interesting points. Read your commentary at the link and yes, that does reflect my experience. Although I've occasionally gone to look at youtube commentaries about playing Civ V and VI, and been flabbergasted that they always seem to be talking about really early rushes to try to conquer everyone right off the bat like it's a wargame, and leave me thinking "But aren't we trying to . . . build a civilization?" I definitely prefer to put off military stuff while I try to out-expand and out-advance and out-economy the opposition. Every time I consider making a military unit in a 4X I'm always thinking "But I could make a productivity building with those resources!"
(Although I have tried a couple playthroughs of Civilization V as England with the express idea of starting wars as soon as I have longbows, defined in the game as "Long range light artillery that don't need setup!" It's just fun to besiege helpless enemy cities from outside their range.)

Maybe I'll try The Last Federation again. I actually rather liked the weird combat.