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Some advice needed
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lostman Feb 7, 2022
Hi there.
This is an alt account as i wanted to ask for some advice but i use my main(name) in several places.

So here's a realization I had recently. I may not be a gamer at all. I've been playing games for almost 30 years now , but guess i never did so properly.

When i was young I did not speak English and my imagination filled in the gaps. Not sure i beat a single game back then. I just liked exploring the worlds and how vivid and colorful they were.

As a teenager they were a good source of escape when I had trouble back home. I did have dial-up and later broad band but I did not care to play online with other people or competitively and whenever I went to an internet cafe with friends we always played whatever crazy map was popular in CS or Starcraft.

I did use the net in college but I still played mainly solo.
After college I got my first job and played some older classics (HoMM3 , Diablo 2 , Civ) with friends over Tunngle. It was fun.

Problem starts couple years back. My friends started playing games competitively online and I tried to join but I hate it. I did, to my shame, rage a lot back then. Thing is, I don't like taking games seriously. Growing up I had difficulty settings and cheats to beat the game. The game could never stop me and it was that artificial freedom that made games fun for me. I don't want to "git gud". I tried for a few games but I feel no sense of accomplishment or enjoyment.

So here I am thinking if I ever was a gamer at all. I just don't know anymore.
And with my friend group taking a turn into more and more competitive stuff I don't think I can or want to keep up anymore.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Any advice is appreciated.
CatKiller Feb 7, 2022
You don't have to play multiplayer to be a gamer. You just need to enjoy playing games. If you like playing single player games, play single player games. There's a phenomenal amount of them out there, and lots of them are amazing.
GustyGhost Feb 7, 2022
You sound like you just want a [url=]holodeck[/url]. An escape where you can just exist and explore freely. I can relate on several details, and I have spent some time reflecting back on my own life regarding my propensity toward games and escapism. I would love to share my insights and if you want to talk about it please feel free to PM.
Linas Feb 7, 2022
There is absolutely no reason to beat yourself over it. We like to put labels on things, because it is convenient. If once in while you enjoy watching a movie, that does not make you a "watcher". Or if you decide to read a book, it does not make you a "reader". Well, I guess it does while you are in the process of doing it. But that does not define you. Just like enjoying video games does not make you more or less of a "gamer" than you yourself are willing to associate with the title.

I don't play multiplayer games anymore. As I got older, I started enjoying more slow-paced story-rich games such as Life is Strange. I just don't have the time or desire to invest hundreds of hours to "git gud". It's a hobby, something I do to relax, and if I want go through a game in easy mode, then I will.

Take care of yourself, and do what you enjoy.
Sigbjorn Feb 7, 2022
Quoting: lostmanI don't want to "git gud". I tried for a few games but I feel no sense of accomplishment or enjoyment.
Then don't. ;)

Quoting: lostmanSo here I am thinking if I ever was a gamer at all. I just don't know anymore.
So, what is a gamer? I think that many notions we use are ambiguous and blurry. I guess some people will think you are and others won't. And none of them will be right or wrong. It's just a matter of opinion.

Besides, will pondering over that or even getting a definitive answer make your life better? I feel like labels are not applicable to human beings. Because we would need a million of them for every person and those labels would change constantly. But that's just my take, of course. :)

Edit: And I guess Linas just above said basically the same thing while I was writing. ^^

Last edited by Sigbjorn on 7 February 2022 at 8:57 am UTC
lostman Feb 8, 2022
Thank you everyone for the replies and kindness.
I guess maybe I am looking at things in a wrong way.
sourpuz Feb 8, 2022
Absolutely the same for me. I have absolutely no interest in online multiplayer, except maybe with a friend or two in a coop game. I'm happy to leave the competitive online stuff (or MMORPGs) to the younger generation.
There is no correct way to be a gamer.
amatai Feb 8, 2022
I easily relate. I play game more or less the same way. Multi always seems a hassle.

I don't think one has to get competitive to enjoy something. If it were sport or music it will be obvious.
denyasis Feb 9, 2022
Quoting: lostmanSo here's a realization I had recently. I may not be a gamer at all.

Quoting: lostmanSo here I am thinking if I ever was a gamer at all

Well, let me ask you this ... Does being a gamer matter to you? And in what way?

It's seems to me, it may be less the gaming and more about your friendships.

I totally understand not wanting to do competitive multiplayer. I must say I have the same feelings about it as you.

But your friends seem to feel differently. That's ok. Maybe talk to them about it. Since you support them by playing competitive MP with them, then it seems fair they would want to support you.

You mentioned really enjoying some co-op and less competitive games. Maybe ask to put a few sessions like that in the game rotation? I can't imagine they would balk, maybe even some would low-key welcome the idea.
eldaking Feb 9, 2022
I play a lot of videogames, but I am absolutely not a "gamer". It's not about how much I like videogames, or how much time I spend playing, or how much I know about them. Or about how difficult are the games I play, or how good.

"Gamers" are more of a community centered around videogames than just the act of playing videogames. It has its own culture, its own aesthetic, its own social rules. There are spaces where they hang out, events and products catering to them, iconography, slang, memes, specialized language, memes, history. Not every chair where people play ideogames is a gamer chair, not every personal computer able to play videogames is a gaming PC. My aunt may spend as many hours as she wants playing candy crush, sudoku, angry birds, and wordle without ever engaging with this community. Not that she would be accepted, of course - it is a pretty shitty community on the whole, despite the many cool people and cool sub-groups.

You can of course use the word "gamer" to refer to anyone playing any videogames, plenty of people do. But people will assume a lot about based on that, because the people that self identify as and are identified by others as "gamers" are just a subset of the much larger group of "anyone who plays videgames". Some kinds of game are more associated with being a gamer, and not necessarily "more hardcore" games. Some kinds of social experience, accessories, and online spaces as well. Being cynic, what you buy is a big part of it, because companies intentionally try to "segment the market" and try to sell a "lifestyle".

I am... gamer adjacent. I end up interacting with a lot of "gamer stuff" where it overlaps my interests (case in point, GOL), but I actively avoid the larger gamer community. I have no idea what is the latest GPU (those letter and number strings make no sense to me), haven't used a gaming console since before they could connect to the internet at all. I had to ask my gamer friends how exactly is the gameplay of fortnite and what is the difference between Battlefield and Medal of Honor. I never play multiplayer with strangers, much less "ranked" or "competitive". And like I said, I consider the overall gamer community toxic as heck, wholesome pockets notwithstanding. So I am not interested in reclaiming the label, trying to fight the gatekeeping and the toxicity and reinvent the style. I don't need to "be a gamer" to "play games".
Chuckaluphagus Feb 9, 2022
I am of the opinion that, if you play computer or video games regularly as part of your hobbies -- if it's part of your normal routine -- then there's nothing inaccurate about calling yourself a gamer. That can be Destiny, Tetris on your old Game Boy, MiniMetro on your phone, I don't care. A gamer is someone for whom games are part of their normal life.

It doesn't matter whether you're willing to grind in an MMO, or whether your K/D ratio for your preferred online shooter is terrible, or whether all you really care about is 20-year old Pokémon games - if you enjoy the games, and are willing to carve out time from your busy day to enjoy however much time you can spend on them, then you can call yourself a gamer.

The truly amazing range of game types and experiences available today mean that you might have no interests in common with another person who also self-identifies as a gamer. But, you don't need to like the same kinds of books as another person for both of you to want to visit the library or a bookstore.

I'm old enough that my formative gaming experiences came pre-Internet. I never stop finding new games to put my time into, and I have no reason to pay mind to anyone saying that another person is not a "real" gamer.
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